Spam, glorious spam!

This past weekend, I passed a very notable milestone in my career as a woodworking blogger.

My anti-spam filter caught the 10,000th spam directed at my site!

No, I don’t normally like to write about things not directly – or at least not circuitously – related to woodworking, but this, my friends, is a monumental occasion.

Every day since Tom’s Workbench first opened for business, I have signed in to see a tangle of spam comments caught in the filter like the clotted mats of my wife’s hair I occasionally have to snake out of the bathroom drains.

Increase the size of my you-know-what!  Buy cheap Ambien online! The government is coming to get me!

I can hardly contain my excitement….

Some of the spammers are clever, heaping praise on my writing, hoping I will just blindly approve them with their links.  Here are their comments with the ‘names’ as given to me (BTW – of COURSE I removed all of the links… I care too much about your computers to blindly link you somewhere!):

I had fun reading this post. I want to see more on this subject.. Gives Thanks for writing this nice article.. Anyway, I’m going to subscribe to your rss and I wish you write great articles again soon.

* Cast Aluminum Bistro Set

Dear Cast, thanks for the compliments.  Now, where’s my espresso, barista?

Good day. Initial I need to say that I actually like your webpage, just observed it last week but I’ve been following it since then.

I seem to be to agree with most of your thinkings and beliefs and this post is no exception. I fully

Thank you for the wonderful website and I hope you keep up the good function. If you do I will keep on to browse it.

Possess a wonderful day.


Fridge… you got my personal motto in there. Carpe Diem – Have in your possession the day.

Other spammers come fishing, looking for me to click on a website in order to weigh in on a topic or a product. Of course, if I click on the link, there’s a good chance my laptop will pick up more viruses than you would get gumming the toys at the end of a day in a daycare:

Hey all,

I’m currently doing research about the general opinion of the iPad. What do you think about it?

It seems like not everyone is thrilled about the iPad. They say the iPad has been hyped too much by Apple and it’s not nearly as revolutionary as they make us believe it to be. On the other hand there people can’t wait to get their hands on it.

What do you think about the iPad and it’s features? I will collect some of the input and write a nice article about it!

* James Denardo

Jimbo – Can’t give you my impressions about the iPad, because I don’t work for Apple and I – like everyone else on the planet outside of Steve Jobs – haven’t actually held one in my hands. However, when Apple does come out with the iRouter, iSaw or iChisel, I’m all over it.

Hey I just wanted to let you know,

* pnömatik

Pno… thanks for the heads-up… I really appreciate it.

Other spammers seem to be speaking in tongues, firing off salvo after salvo of gibberish in an attempt to get as many links to products and services out in one post as possible.  Fer instance…

Chem answered no down payment credit card 20 hold her check whether point passes through line had nowhere joker jiujitsu gi and assemble oil scully flush mount did seem mcdermott casino owner hitting jackpot and barken hold em hand ranks hese gourds dynaflow high and low accumulators letting himself detroits it johnny let ride sports how bad from inside jock straight talk foggy face diamond cash club online business review before long fruit fusion punch his experience right away odd or even pricing that were lyrics street corner symphony they climb first five president who similar enough engine flush who strut best ways to lose weight fast you what playstation 3 loses money that aperture first five president of usa time differenti free poker bankroll cash money code make his european roulette chip threw water bet euro lay league are helping celine dion cloaked figure bird cardinal wild breeze blowing bonus casino feature machine slot water out huckleberries online wild card him yet bet drumline competitions females remain harris pontoon another shot cash register club rlene lay man said salsa de antes like pretty slot car part ho his own crawley down postcard the signal epoxy deck wood sealer form his awp p ada before bets to wear panties the dumb playstation 2 gt3 free money cheat get technical bo download free sic like being the crap pot la quinta the pun isadore yablon olph bowed montana gambling bureau deep water first five hydroelectric power plants and curvaceous paradise poker bonus after another dice and joker card clip art ing them game like baccarat not magicians awp tote arrow concluded emmanuelle chriqui pokies over and free bankrolls istraction while different kind of four wheelers had messed joker to the thief bluish steel flamer.

* Dekelupgovoy

Dek – Huh? Did you blow up a dictionary or something? Yes, there are plenty of words in the English language.. but you don’t have to use them all at once…

There have suddenly been a run on jokes tagged to the end of spam posts as of late.  While still annoying, at least they offer some comic relief.  For instance:

I have a fresh joke for you, Reporter: Who would I blame if California fell into the Pacific Ocean? Geologist: It would be San Andreas fault.

I have a nice joke. How many letters are in the alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.

Here’s a good one for today. What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backward in unison? A receding hare line.

Groaners, for sure.  But, at least they are trying…

Fortunately, in this world of full of divisiveness and adversarial relations, it’s good to see people sometimes are in agreement:

All times that I arrive hire, feel me very good. Your site is excelent.

* Leslie Carline

All times that I arrive hire, feel me very good. Your site is excelent.

Reyes Dalcour

Leslie, meet Reyes.  Reyes, Leslie. First of all, let me set the record straight… I don’t touch any readers who come to my site.  Never. So, I’m not sure about the allegation of inappropriate touching. Also, not only are they in lock step agreement about the quality of my site, they also misspell the same words!

I’ll keep on putting out that high-quality content, and you guys keep those cards and letters coming…

3 thoughts on “Spam, glorious spam!”

  1. And, let’s not forget: “All your base are belong to us.” No compilation of cyber gobbledygook would be complete without it.

    You know, it’s really a shame that 90% of the available bandwidth of the Internet is occupied by scams, spams, charlatans, hucksters, Nigerian 419 fraudsters, and other similar bottom-dwelling scum-sucking denizens. If 0.1% of the effort expended by these lowlifes could be channeled into productive enterprises, we could probably balance the budget, cure cancer, colonize the moon, and eliminate poverty. OK, maybe I went a little too far there.

  2. The first slice of spam on my blog was one of my first comments, and it threw me for a loop. It went something like: “That’s an interesting statement, but can you back it up?”

    For about 10 seconds I thought: what if this is merely the least specific person on the planet, genuinely taking issue with something that I said? Then I deleted it. 🙂

    Congrats on the milestone… I guess? 🙂

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