Hey, everyone, Iggy the Shop Monkey here, and I want to finally give you some useful information on this blog. Sure, it took two and a half years to get to this point, but, hey, there’s a first time for everything…

I have no idea what Tom is up to these days.  He’s having trouble gluing up panels and then he starts monkeying around with some red, sparkly new fangled instrument.  Is this guy committed to woodworking or isn’t he?  Shesh, no wonder his glue ups look like the stuff I throw at people who bother me…

OK, here’s how any primate worth his fur glues up a panel without any issues.  Tom, pay attention, please….

First thing first – the big guy did plane up some pieces of wood for another glue up.  He got one side pretty good, but the other one was terrible.  I mean, what was he thinking?  So, I got on his silly little table saw and ripped the other edge nice and straight.  At least he left the table saw tuned up.  Good human.

Next, I took out my secret weapon.  Clamping cauls. I had made these babies up a while ago and bring them out when I need a good glue up.  Why don’t I share them with Tom?  He’d probably think I was playing Jenga.

I clamped the cauls above and below the panel after I smeared glue on the edges.  Then, here’s the key point that Tom just keeps forgetting.  All of those fancy clamps he has – well he needs to use them.  He keeps them hanging on his special clamp rack just collecting dust and bragging about them… but, he really needs to put them to use and clamp the silly panel together while the glue dries.  With the clamps spread too far apart, the goof is enjoying his slip and grip clamping technique. My way… it’s gonna be a nice, flat panel when all is said and done…

Oh, nice way to show up for the shop session, Tom.  Yes, tailless wonder, I glued the panels together for the special project you are building… now, be a good shop assistant and get me some bananas before you go and fool around with that bass guitar.

I can’t believe I share 99% of my DNA with this guy…